Why does God seem to not answer our prayers?
In certain places in the gospels, Jesus appears to make wide ranging promises to grant any request we make of him. Why does it appear that he does not keep these promises?
Explanation
The short answer is that we misunderstand what Jesus is promising. When we understand what he is promising, we will recognize that he does answer our request every time in line with the promise. God keeps his promises, but we must understand what he has promised.
In Matthew 17:20, Jesus promised that if we had faith, we could move mountains into the sea with our prayers. Nothing would be impossible for us.
The context for the statement was about preparing the hearts of people for their King. This was the ministry of John the Baptist. That is why Jesus was alluding to Isaiah 40:3-4, the passage John also quoted about himself. "A voice of one calling: In the desert prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God." The part Jesus alludes to is where it continues: "Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low..."
John the Baptist never worked on physical road making. In the same way, this promise is not about moving any physical objects, and is not even a generalized promise. It is a promise that when we ask God to remove obstacles in the hearts of people to prepare them for the King, he will do it. When we ask him, God will work to change impossible hearts to advance his Kingdom.
In John 14:14, Jesus told us to ask for anything in his name and he would do it for us (also 15:7).
The context of these statements is the last teaching Jesus was giving his disciples before his death. He was guiding them to think of being sacrificial lovers - just as Jesus would soon ultimately do on the cross. In 14:12 he said, "I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do". One of Jesus' primary tasks was to show us what God was like, to show us his value system of sacrificial love. Immediately following in 14:15 he says, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." which he clarifies in 15:12 with "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." Clearly this whole section is on sacrificial love, so the promise is one to further Jesus' purpose.
Jesus' goal is to transform us into sacrificial lovers having the same value system as God. This is the purpose of the Kingdom he established. This is why he gave us the command to love each other like he loves us. He tells us to ask in his name, so why should he want us to ask for anything other than his stated goal? In fact, what he is promising is that when we make any request of him for help to be a sacrificial lover, he will be certain to give us his help.
First purpose The ultimate expression of prayer was by Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before the cross. Jesus didn't particularly want to have the experience of the cross (Mark 14:32-36), but he completely wanted what God desired. In the end, he was able to obtain strength to love us through his sacrifice by the energy, joy (Hebrews 12:2) and confidence he received from God through prayer.
So, prayer isn't about getting what we want from God; the first purpose of prayer is about enabling us to change to have God's values. It is about gaining strength for sacrificial living.
Praying of God that he change us to love like He does is a very scary thing to pray. It can be hard to make changes like this. But our God is gentle, and loves us and will always answer us when we pray for what he has promised.
Other purposes Also in the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus poured out his heart to God about his anguish over what was about to happen. When we look in the Psalms we see the writers often talking to God about their struggles and troubles. So this is an important additional purpose of prayer: it is a safe place where we can express our frustrations, doubts, pains, and hopes. God will listen graciously. We can't surprise him and he will continue to love us. •••
Sometimes when we ask God for things he has not promised us, he is generous and does give them to us. However, as we struggle in life and ask him for things, be sure to ask for things which are for the good!
Understanding the balanced answer to this question took a while for me. After I had come to understand the primary purpose of prayer, I was talking about this purpose with a friend. With tears in his eyes about my point, he said that he had gotten his girls. (Getting children had not been easy for them! He had prayed much about this.)
I realized then my understanding was incomplete. God does not promise to give us all things that we ask of him. But, sometimes he does give us these "extra" requests. And it is OK to ask.
Another purpose is prayer for others. Jesus prayed for all the people that would follow him. The apostle Paul both prayed for others and asked for prayer for himself. This aspect is a mystery to me because God's answer may not be affirmative of what we ask. And yet, according to these examples we should pray for others.
Sometimes though, this leads us to become the answer to our prayer. We might provide directly for their need. Or, we might live alongside them in their challenge, bringing love and comfort. And so prayer comes full circle. When we become the answer, we are living out God's value of love to the benefit of others.
The value system perspective used here is based on ideas from the work of Darren Twa.